Happy Birthday to Me

I'm in Japan celebrating my 59th birthday on December 27, 2010 when it hits me that I better get ready to become 60.

My husband David turned 60 a few months earlier, and it shocked me.  How could he be 60 already?  I started measuring everything back from him becoming 65, as in "OMG, he should be retiring in 4 years and 10 months and then he's stuck with me all day every day" or "if I don't get to Europe finally in the next 4 summers, I'll never have another chance!".  Like that.

This also happened to me when my mother died 2 years ago.  Being in the geriatric wards and nursing homes those last months made me feel like everyone in the world was dying, me included.  Which is true, actually - we're just not all dying this week.  We're taking turns, just like we learned in kindergarten.  Except I didn't go to kindergarten, because there was no kindergarten when I was a child.  That's just another example of how old I am, and how it must be my turn soon to, well, you know.

I do, however, have one year to prepare my state of mind and whatever else needs preparing to become 60.  I don't even know the questions to ask, which is rare for me, so I thought I'd try blogging.  I vow to avoid saying the obvious, such as "I feel 37!" or "what's the matter with kids these days?". (I actually know the answer to that last one.) I vow to be as transparent as I can be about what I am seeing, hearing, feeling and sensing.  I wonder if I'll get all serious about losing weight or filing my will, or if I'll keeping veering off the road with comments like:  gee, look at all the pretty flowers!