Over and Out

Well, I promised a week of blogs, but was felled by the flu on Christmas Eve and lost a week of my life.  The fog lifted the day before the lovely birthday party Hannah and David arranged for me Friday.  Thank you to all the greetings from friends far and wide.  I now am well and truly 60 years old.

As I promised, this is my last blog.  As I read through the site, it seems that I have touched on the main themes of my life in this year of preparing for the big 6-0:

1. I've examined my motivation for trying my hand at a Development career, and how to adjust to being an administrator instead of a teacher.  Result: parents are more informed and engaged at Highroad, our name is getting out into the community, and our enrollment numbers are up significantly.  I've learned to strike a life-work balance with Dave as my husband and my boss with many eyes watching.  I'm learning to enjoy my days off and be more strategic with my days on.  I still feel like a rank amateur most of the time and make a significant number of mistakes every week - when does that stop?
2. I've had a chance to talk about my family.  I love them so much it makes me ache, from my brothers and their families down to our youngest grandchild, the impish 5 yr. old Natsuki.  The delight in seeing each one find their place in this world is a salve to the pain in my heart from wishing we were together all the time.
3. I've touched on the topics of mentoring and needing a mentor - lots of threads to pick up here.

In recent days, I feel like the presence of God has been particularly close and clear.  I am assured that everything is OK, that things are working out just fine.  I feel strongly that there are opportunities waiting for me to discover - not that they will come to me;  more that I will come to them as I keep on my journey.

In days to come, I hope to blog again under a different banner.  I'd like to examine themes of friendship, role modeling and making the most of our time, energy and creativity.  But for now, dear readers, I'm signing off for a season.  Thank you for all your encouraging words.

First World Problems

Joel put me on to www.first-world-problems.com  where people can complain in ways that only 1st worlders can.  2 examples: "It really irritates me when the turn signal of the car in front of me is out of sync with the music from my ipod." or "I went to the bathroom and forgot to take my iphone with me".  One from today: "when I had my Swedish massage today my makeup got totally messed up".

So here's my first world problem: I love my house, but it takes so much upkeep I can't travel as much as I want to.  Every corner is renovated and decorated (mostly).  Every nook and cranny is filled with wonderful things that up to now have been worth keeping; pictures from the last 100 years, china from 4 generations, 3 boxes of hymnals in case I ever teach Church Music History again....and oh so much more.

I find myself wondering: if I moved into a 600 square foot condo, what would be worth keeping?  If I packed everything else away in a storage space, what would I miss?  anything?  everything?

If I gave up my front lawn and my extra kitchen in the basement, where would my grandchildren play when they come over? If I go from 4 bedrooms to 2 bedrooms, where do my families sleep when they come?  If they only come every year or two, is it worth it?  If I give up this space, would they ever come?

Do I become one of those old ladies that can't be bribed to leave all their stuff?  Or do I become one of those old ladies that is so busy jetting off to one country or another that I no longer have time, room or inclination to open my heart and home to others, including my family?

These are my first world problems, or at the very least my first world questions.

7 days until 60

My goal in starting this blog almost a year ago was to prepare myself for turning 60.  Well, that's exactly what is happening next Tuesday.

I started blogging as a kind of self-therapy, and it actually kind of worked.  I found myself working on things within myself that were no longer so comfortable to blog.  So I kept working, but kept it to myself.  That's why it's been a long time since there has been a blog entry from me.

But now it's 7 days away, so I'm going to write 7 entries in 7 days.  Starting today.  Given the narcissistic nature of the purpose of this blog, there will be 7 new blogs about me, me, big beautiful me.

Here are some things I have learned about myself this year:

1. I am really enjoying my job in public relations.  I've found that when I joined Arbonne, I received great training in network marketing that translated very well into educational marketing.  It's really just about relationships, and I love relationships.  I have so much to learn, I fight to be consistent in my efforts and I only get done half of what I plan to do; but I love talking about my school.
2. I don't handle criticism very well.  I've had more criticism this year than ever before and it was pointed and personal.  I worked very hard to keep my responses truthful and professional and it all worked out to the good in the end, but in the process I felt very vulnerable and distrustful of others.  it took me quite some time to get over it, and that's the part that surprised me because I usually have pretty good bounce-back.
3. I've learned to make myself waste time.  It's too easy to be driven and feel like every moment needs to count for all time and eternity, but pretty soon my ability to be effective is frittered away.  I have been leaving town on my days off as much at possible, relaxing after dinner on week days, and working on having people over more frequently.  I don't know if I'm more effective, but I do find I handle things better and feel more creative.

I'm doing less than I was last year in music commitments - no church choir, not on the worship schedule, not teaching any music courses.  But I have added some very satisfying activities: local chapter of the Registered Music Teachers Association, joined the Valley Festival Singers in Abbotsford with Dave, started teaching some private piano lessons again and I've trained as a barista at our church espresso cafe.

Tomorrow let's talk some more.

My First Chair

Recently, one of the two matching leather armchairs in our living split right about where Dave's shoulder rests. As I dithered about what to do the split got bigger and more irreparable so they had to go.  Hannah felt sorry for me and gave me two chairs from her house; one was Dave's old oxblood leather chair and ottoman that I had made him get rid of in an earlier renovation.  He was so happy to have it back that I immediately regretted ever making him part with it.

This was the other chair she gave me:

Clearly, this is a mid-century modern chair that is in pretty rough shape, .not a chair designed for the 1930's English cottage we live in.  But this chair had one redeeming quality - it fit me!

I'm short and squat.  Buying furniture is torture for us because Dave is a foot taller than me.  When I try to sit on furniture that Dave is comfortable with, I can either reach the floor or the back of the seat, but never both.  If Dave tries to sit in a chair that fits me, he looks all scrunched up like Gulliver having tea with the Lilliputians.  We don't buy those chairs.

But this chair found me, fits me, loves me, wraps it's loving mid-century arms around me.  Now, how to fit it into the decor?

25 years ago, I slipcovered a beat up sofa and chair, so I thought I would give it another try.  At THE fabric store in Chilliwack, I found set of fabrics that would work in my livingroom for $16.00 a metre.  At the till they were $3.00 a metre! score!  Back home, I made a pattern, cut it out, sewed it together in one night - awesome!

By the light of day, I saw all my mistakes - it didn't fit around the shoulders, the seat was crooked blah, blah, blah.  But a week later, I finally had it all together and I am pretty excited that I get to sit in my pretty chair and touch the floor whenever I want to.  Wanna see it?

Mid-century modern lines are hidden under the deep skirt so it blends with the room.  It's the first time I've had my own chair.  Be happy for me!

Old Lady Feet

No kidding, I'm trying to deal with turning 60 and how it's not really a big deal, 60 is just a number, I'm a young 59, I have a future and a hope, right? right?

My feet have outed me.  I went for a walk in downtown Seattle in March and ended up with horrible pain in both legs for weeks.  Tried the meds - nothing.  Tried physio - bingo. Huge rangy cyclist mountain climber from NZ named Craig worked me over good.  Second visit Craig taped up my feet tight and said "try that!".  It was awesome.  So he sent me to the orthotics guy (Jeremy).  That's orthotics spelled "orth60tics".

No joke, I'm limping in to Jeremy's office wearing the only shoes I have that fit around all the tape, which of course look like orthopedic shoes.  He has an orthopedic student from the university, a sweet young thing in her 20s who seems to never have seen a foot before.  So he reads out my chart to her "Mrs. Shinness is 59, almost 60, with leg pain very typical for her age." Great start.  Then he gives her the tour of every corner of each of my feet top and bottom telling her all the things that are wrong due to stress and aging.  While it is interesting for me to hear all the details, all I can hear him say is "OLD LADY FEET, OLD LADY FEET, OLD LADY FEET, and right here we see MORE OLD LADY FEET".  AGHHHHH!!!!

Now it is weeks later, I have the pricey orthotic inserts in my shoes, I'm finished physio, and I can walk without pain.  I still have to find shoes that can hold these inserts that don't look like old lady shoes.  I did learn that feet problems are highly related to your family members' feet, and I put together that my mom's feet problems started right when she was my age.  She never followed up because she wanted to be young and not an old lady, but within a handful of years she lost her mobility.

Lesson learned.  I still have a future and a hope (I do, right?) but in that future, I'll be wearing orthotics!

5 Pants in 5 Days

As I am approaching my 60th birthday, one of the things I'm trying to do is decide what things in my life it's time to lay down, and what things in my life are worth investing in.  I can do a lot of things but I can't do them all at the same time, and if I try to keep doing everything I can't take on anything new, which I also want to do.

Sewing is one of those things I need to decide about.  I started sewing when I was in 5th grade, creating Barbie outfits by hand, using a pattern even.  I learned how to use a treadle sewing machine at my Auntie Viola's house, I took sewing lessons in the summer between Gr. 7 & 8 at the Singer store at Granville and 7th and made a navy blue wool double breasted coat dress lined with a suit collar, set in sleeves and a full lining - I still can't believe it.

After that, I made most of my own clothes until just a few years ago. I made clothes for Dave, sewed for all the kids, made my girls party dresses, Hannah's wedding dress, Sarah and Maria's bridesmaids dresses.  But in the last few years, I'm sewing less and less - stylish clothes are less expensive and available in a greater range of sizes, and I've been working full time and travelling to see my kids every chance I get.  Then what happens is that I'll try to sew something for myself and it ends up unwearable - ARGH!

Do you remember the movie Julie and Julia?  For 365 days, Julie blogged as she cooked her way through Julia Child's encyclopaedic French cookbook, one recipe a day.  I'm not gonna do that.  BUT I am going to make a pair of pants every day for 5 days this week with a pattern I made myself.

Oh, yeah I just said that.  In fact, I just finished the first pair - light grey linen.  It took me forever, I put the zipper in 3 times and I put the yoke on backwards.  They're OK, but a little big.  I just finished altering the pattern, I bought 4 other fabrics, organized my sewing room and I'm ready to roll.  This week I'll be working, attending a funeral, teaching 5 piano lessons and going to a home-school conference on Friday.  But before I go, I'll have 5 brand new pairs of pants.

It's Monday evening, I gotta go sew.....

Music education it is achangin'

Last Friday I attended an honour concert for the local music festival and was plunged again into the world of classical music competition.  Except for one or two, the performances were solid, some even brilliant.  There were kids who you could tell had a great practice ethic and an enjoyment of the end result.

I was disappointed at the difficulty level and the technique of the performer who was supposed to be the best of the oldest age group, but as I thought about it I wondered if there was just not that much competition any more at that level.

I'm seeing a change in the attitude of families toward their children learning music.  I know I'm stating the obvious, but most of the students who performed Friday were from families that had immigrated from Europe or Asia in this generation and had brought their cultural music learning ethic with them.

In our school, we just closed down our band program.  Now, my husband started and sustained the band program and is a fantastic band instructor, besides being the principal of the school.  He has taught prize winning bands for 37 years, and started bands in every school he taught in to great success.  But now we find that parents are not willing (or possibly even are not able) to insist their kids practice consistently, so the young instrumentalists never get to the place where they are no longer struggling with the instrument and just enjoying it.

However, when digging a little deeper we found many of these kids not practicing their flute or trombone were taking drum, guitar, bass or piano lessons on the side, and were practicing those instruments with vigor.  So we changed this year to a worship band format for our instrumental instruction, and the participation is full and enthusiastic.

Inside of me, I feel we have lost something; the experience of being part of a big, loud, moving music machine that carries the players and the audience to a different place inside.  That was my band experience.
But look what we have gained; players who are enthusiastic, more likely to get together and make music with their friends, gaining skill on instruments they will play until they die, having fun, making new friends and worshiping God.

I'm thankful that piano students still walk through my picket fence, up the path, knock on the door and come into my living room for a private lesson on my mother's walnut grand piano.  Somedays I wonder if I've time traveled back to the 1930's.  But these days, I better make sure that the lesson is an enjoyable experience, that my practice expectations for them are realistic and that the music is relatable to their lives, or this too shall pass.

how can my fingers do that?

I am a piano player.  I have 3 degrees in music, I have taught private piano, music theory, music classes and more for 45 years (I began as an infant....).  I don't ever remember not being able to read music.

My mother was a brilliant pianist - competition winner, guest soloists at community events, etc.  She taught lessons when I was young so I began to pick it up at 3 years old.  But I did not have consistent piano lessons until I was in Gr. 7.  Then I had 5 years of the whole meal deal: festivals, competitions, exams, music theory classes and exams, recitals, famous teacher with crazy lessons at 7 in the morning or 10:30 at night.

But because I had such a fancy shmancy teacher, he had a whole stable of thoroughbred students and I always felt like the pony with one short leg because I had gotten such a late start and I didn't practice as long and hard as the rest of them.  I never won a medal, or even a festival class.  Once I came real close:  I played my best, then the last student was blind!  They led her up to the piano, let her feel middle C, then she played some Bach Invention woodenly to thunderous applause and won the class.  I can't catch a break!

However, somewhere in the middle of that I taught myself to play by ear.  I played horribly for Sunday school singing with some spectacular breakdowns, but gradually I got more and more dependable.  In those days there was no written music for "choruses", just hymns, which were also played with improvised accompaniments and soon I could do that too.

Much later my husband and I joined a gospel group and we had so much fun with those guys - singers, rhythm and brass.  We traveled, played the Pacific National Exhibition every year and even recorded an album.  Dave and I still play together at events, and in church and weddings etc. In fact, we're doing a thing this Saturday with a bunch of old friends.

I realize now that most of those thoroughbreds with all their medals and certificates of merit were no longer playing the piano, unless they were teaching.  Also, not one of them could sit down and play Happy Birthday at a party without music.  Even though I never won a competition, my ability to play the piano opened doors for me, created friendships, supported me, and gave me true joy.

Even now, I'll sit down to play some scales or arpeggios that I have not practiced for years and years, and my fingers can still do that easily.  I watch them go and wonder" how can you do that"?  Maybe I practiced more than I remember, and maybe I was a better pianist than I thought at the time, but if you have a need for an Eb major scale, I'm your girl!

Role Model Me

Do you have a role model?  Did you have a role model when you were a kid? Was there someone in particular that influenced you to go one way or the other with your life?  Did you reach the goals that you set as a young person?  (Let's all take a moment to prepare our answers)

OK, I'm ready: No.  No. Yes. No.

Role model?  No.  I have women I admire and learn from, but I think the women older than me never thought about being role models, of reaching out to younger women and challenging them. Sharon Wagar is probably the closest to a role model, but she's also my best friend - does that count?

Role model when I was a kid? No. When I was growing up, pretty much all the women I knew were housewives till the day they died.  They just did the basics and enjoyed themselves the rest of the time.  My mother taught a few piano lessons on and off - sometimes for survival, sometimes for spending money - but she hated teaching and couldn't wait to quit.  She was very capable - decorating, gardening, sewing, crafts, entertaining - and she was a spectacular pianist.  I learned so many skills from her because I was interested in many of the same things.  I wanted to be and do something significant in my life, but my parents thought I would never cook, never drive, and that it was a waste to educate a woman.  They felt quite strongly I should marry my high school sweetheart and teach piano in the basement.  (I have thought of this many times after I married my college sweetheart and was teaching piano in the basement).  I don't think the women of my mother's generation ever thought of being  role models.

Someone who influenced me?  Yes.  I had a teacher in Gr. 11 that I really impressed me.  I was in her Honours English class.  Every Friday we had a coffee house - no lights, candles, guitars, Leonard Cohen, poetry - it was so creative, challenging and cool.  I was teaching my first piano lessons at the time.  With my first earnings I bought a suede jacket and a guitar so I could be cool too.  When the spring musical was cast, I got on the costume crew headed up by the English teacher.  I learned to design clothes, sew masses of ruffles, use a curling iron, plan wardrobe changes etc.  The crowning achievement for me was designing and creating the bridal dress for the female lead - I was forever changed.  Later this teacher recommended me as the only student to represent my high school on the Hudson's Bay fashion council, on which I served my Gr. 12 year - that was a great experience.

Reach the goals I set as a young person?  No.  These were my goals: become a fashion designer, visit Paris, and do missions work in Africa.  I still haven't made it to Paris or Africa.  I don't really care about Paris anymore (now I want to see the gardens of England) and I will get to Africa - hopefully in the next couple of years.  Funny story about the fashion designer part.  I wanted to go to UBC but my mother wanted me to go to a Christian university so I visited Oral Roberts University and got a scholarship.  I left in September with a suitcase full of new clothes I had made myself to take fashion design at ORU.  In 2 days I learned two things:  1. ORU didn't have a fashion design program 2. if you get a music scholarship, you have to study music.  So I studied music, met the love of my life, got 3 music degrees and have enjoyed teaching hundreds of people, my own kids included.

I had a dear friend named Dorothy Williams who passed away a couple of years ago.  She was a teacher, a missionary to Africa and Taiwan, church planter, Bible college founder and president who preached all over the world and wrote books.  She also was a fantastic knitter ( like her best friend and Scrabble partner Fran Huebert) and sewed her own clothes with fabrics she collected from around the world.  Before Dorothy died, I asked her if she had met all the goals she had set for her life.  She snorted, then said she had never set any goals.  She just did whatever anyone asked her to do: one thing led to another and she ended up with an adventure-filled, satisfying, God blessed life.

That's a pretty good role model.

To a Happy and Happier Anniversary

Saturday was our 39th anniversary. Dave and I had a delightful ceremony in a Craftsman mansion at UBC on January 15, 1972. We were a new generation with new ideas: we had matching wedding rings instead of an engagement ring, we wrote our own vows and we stayed in Vancouver instead of escaping on a honeymoon.  We were the real deal.

We were so happy to be together. We moved into our apartment with nothing but a trunk of clothes and our wedding gifts. Dave got a job from my dad and a delivery truck from my brother. I walked into my tiny kitchen, put my avocado appliances away and taught myself to cook by reading the two recipe books I received as gifts. The second week I was married we had our first dinner guests. I made a complete Chinese meal and we ate on a tablecloth spread on the carpet because we had no table or chairs.

We have pastored a log cabin church by the ocean, rushed sick babies to the hospital in the middle of the night, prayed with the wealthy and poor, dined with the prime minister of Israel, had money arrive by supernatural means right when we needed it, renovated numerous houses on a shoestring, and loved each other through it all - some days more than others!

Now we live together in an English cottage, work together in an amazing school and serve together in the best church we know.  That's a lot of togetherness.  It's pretty good, but I think this year I'd like to do a little better.  I don't want to take for granted one of the best people I've ever met, but I also need to make sure I have enough down time to unwind.  I know I have more to give when I've had time to reset my mind and emotions.  (And exercise - another topic for another day)

So this is part of The 60 project:  to make sure I preserve my days off for unwinding, keeping my mind off work, doing what needs to be done combined with taking care of myself.  Last Thursday I went shopping with my daughter - all day (I know!), and today I read a book, answered my email, got a pedicure and a haircut and visited with a friend.  Occasionally I feel guilty, like I should be changing the world or laying down my life for somebody, but I just smack myself upside the head and that pretty much takes care of it. Try it!

Do what I love?

Stuck at home watching an old Meg Ryan movie. Her character has hit bottom, and Bette Midler asks her "what do you love? Do it just for yourself!"

What answers pop into your mind? I drew a blank. I love everything I do. It's the amounts of it I have to do that gets me in trouble.

I have a new adventure ahead of me - I'll be rolling it out this week. How do I keep it from getting so big that it rolls over me like a tractor, squeezing out the fun? I have a mental picture of me opening this brand new window, and blizzard I didn't see coming blows in and flattens me against the far wall!

Do I do it just for me? I think I'm doing my work to serve others. I know others benefit, but I must be doing it for myself somehow. Hmmm....

When planning the 60 Project, I'd better take this into consideration.

Happy Birthday to Me

I'm in Japan celebrating my 59th birthday on December 27, 2010 when it hits me that I better get ready to become 60.

My husband David turned 60 a few months earlier, and it shocked me.  How could he be 60 already?  I started measuring everything back from him becoming 65, as in "OMG, he should be retiring in 4 years and 10 months and then he's stuck with me all day every day" or "if I don't get to Europe finally in the next 4 summers, I'll never have another chance!".  Like that.

This also happened to me when my mother died 2 years ago.  Being in the geriatric wards and nursing homes those last months made me feel like everyone in the world was dying, me included.  Which is true, actually - we're just not all dying this week.  We're taking turns, just like we learned in kindergarten.  Except I didn't go to kindergarten, because there was no kindergarten when I was a child.  That's just another example of how old I am, and how it must be my turn soon to, well, you know.

I do, however, have one year to prepare my state of mind and whatever else needs preparing to become 60.  I don't even know the questions to ask, which is rare for me, so I thought I'd try blogging.  I vow to avoid saying the obvious, such as "I feel 37!" or "what's the matter with kids these days?". (I actually know the answer to that last one.) I vow to be as transparent as I can be about what I am seeing, hearing, feeling and sensing.  I wonder if I'll get all serious about losing weight or filing my will, or if I'll keeping veering off the road with comments like:  gee, look at all the pretty flowers!