7 days until 60

My goal in starting this blog almost a year ago was to prepare myself for turning 60.  Well, that's exactly what is happening next Tuesday.

I started blogging as a kind of self-therapy, and it actually kind of worked.  I found myself working on things within myself that were no longer so comfortable to blog.  So I kept working, but kept it to myself.  That's why it's been a long time since there has been a blog entry from me.

But now it's 7 days away, so I'm going to write 7 entries in 7 days.  Starting today.  Given the narcissistic nature of the purpose of this blog, there will be 7 new blogs about me, me, big beautiful me.

Here are some things I have learned about myself this year:

1. I am really enjoying my job in public relations.  I've found that when I joined Arbonne, I received great training in network marketing that translated very well into educational marketing.  It's really just about relationships, and I love relationships.  I have so much to learn, I fight to be consistent in my efforts and I only get done half of what I plan to do; but I love talking about my school.
2. I don't handle criticism very well.  I've had more criticism this year than ever before and it was pointed and personal.  I worked very hard to keep my responses truthful and professional and it all worked out to the good in the end, but in the process I felt very vulnerable and distrustful of others.  it took me quite some time to get over it, and that's the part that surprised me because I usually have pretty good bounce-back.
3. I've learned to make myself waste time.  It's too easy to be driven and feel like every moment needs to count for all time and eternity, but pretty soon my ability to be effective is frittered away.  I have been leaving town on my days off as much at possible, relaxing after dinner on week days, and working on having people over more frequently.  I don't know if I'm more effective, but I do find I handle things better and feel more creative.

I'm doing less than I was last year in music commitments - no church choir, not on the worship schedule, not teaching any music courses.  But I have added some very satisfying activities: local chapter of the Registered Music Teachers Association, joined the Valley Festival Singers in Abbotsford with Dave, started teaching some private piano lessons again and I've trained as a barista at our church espresso cafe.

Tomorrow let's talk some more.

To think or not to think about work - that is the question...

I'm trying, folks.  I'm trying not to think about my job night and day.  (I have a new job as a development coordinator for our school.)  It's so tempting!  Everything I'm doing right now is so exciting, so full of potential - lots of events that happen in the next few weeks that need to be planned, things we have never done before.  There is such a warm reception for this new approach, so many good ideas, so many folks around me with great expectations, all of them possible to fulfill.  By me.

Such a typical reaction for women, isn't it.  We have to do it all.  We have to fulfill the expectations of everyone around us.  Because we can do it, we feel we have to say yes, or else we feel selfish.  Here's my personal twist:  I have more backbone than your average girl, and I don't have a problem saying no to anybody or anything.  But I know that strength can be overwhelming and intimidating to people around me, so I try to temper that effect by going the extra mile if it is within my power to do so.  And because I am strong and capable, I usually do have the power to do so and no excuse not to. 

Now I'm trying to pull back a bit because I find if I don't put that job in a box, I won't have the strength or presence of mind to be able to extend myself to Dave or my kids or grandkids.  I want to be able to extend myself to neighbours and friends more than I do now - that's going to take even more time management.

Today is my day off and I'm home.  My little grandson Xander (5) is sick and my daughter is throwing a birthday party for his big sister today so I asked if I could have him for the day.  I have a bunch of sewing to do for the school so I would normally just let him play while I worked.  But on this sunny morning, I knew I would get the sewing done somehow but I didn't want to miss an opportunity to enjoy my friendship with my little man.

Xander arrived today and had refused breakfast at home because he wanted to have dippy eggs with Grammy. I introduced all the grandkids to dippy eggs, my favourite breakfast when I was a kid: a soft boiled egg held up in a little cup with a cap cut off so you can dip a toast strip (called a soldier) into the egg yolk and eat it with your fingers.  We have special Nigella egg cups and special egg spoons that we use to scrape the egg white out to eat after the yolk is done.  Xander and I sat on the love seat in a cozy nook in the kitchen and ate at a little wicker table that he had set himself.

Next he had a bath so he could play with Grammy's bath toys and take as much time as he wanted.  Then he went outside to play while I set up the sewing.  He asked me to come out and play soccer so I thought, why not?  We played for about 30 minutes.  I could not for the life of me kick that plastic ball in a straight line, but he was so patient with me, giving me extra points, while kicking the dickens out of the ball every time.  I was distracted by the messy garden I wanted to stop and clean up, but I can do that any day - not today.

I didn't think about work even once.....